Lori Heaford - Copy-Editor, Proofreader, Writer
Did They Really Mean To Say That?
 
Here is a selection of badly worded, and in some cases downright unintelligible, signs that have been circulated for years as a source of amusement. Yes, they are funny - but would you want one of them representing you or your business?
 
At a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor.
 
On a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
 
On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard - the bell doesn't work.)
 
Outside a jeweller's:
Ears pierced while you wait.
 
In a launderette:
Automatic washing machines - please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
 
In the window of a dry cleaner's:
Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours.
 
In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
 
Outside a furniture shop:
We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship.
 
Outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.
 
In a restaurant:
Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager.
 
Outside a nightclub:
The most exclusive venue in town. Everyone welcome.
 
At a garden fete:
Baby show - all entries to be handed in at the gate.
 
In a village shop window:
Half-day closing all day Wednesday.
 
In an office block:
Lift out of order - please use elevator.
 
In a hotel:
Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers.
 
On a traffic sign:
Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour.
 
In an office toilet:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
 
In a pizza shop window:
Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m.-8 a.m.
 
On a traffic sign:
No parking clamping in place.
 
In a hotel:
In case of fire please do your utmost to alarm the hall porter.

 
 
 
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